A white haired man just approached me with a red pocket camera hovering near my face and asked, “can I take a picture of your hair? You have the most gorgeous hair I have ever seen.” I think my face turned as red as my hair. That was a little embarrassing. In three days when I have my frizzy Africa hairdo he definitely wouldn’t have asked. I suppose this is how my adventure begins.

I am at the airport. I’m sitting behind the checkin desk on the floor hovering near electricity, hoping somehow I can figure a way to bring power with me to Africa. With that said, I should warn everyone who checks in daily with my musings (thanks) that in Africa I might not be able to blog as often as I want to and I don’t want anyone to worry that I fell in a hole. If I go too long without power, I’ll navigate Craig into my blog and he can reassure you that I’m just fine. And I’ll save all my words for one long pour when the power returns.

I woke up at 3:30am to begin two long days of travel. It is Thursday morning and I will arrive in Uganda late Friday night. All I can say is I’m thankful I’m not toting a two year old with me. I can handle any upset that comes my way when I travel alone, but when I’ve got a testy toddler in tow I experience travel anxiety. I’m watching a group of people whose flight has been delayed. People reveal their true nature in airports. There are some tempers clashing around here and it seems that some people are more important than others, or so they believe. I wish I had the audacity to tell them who I think they are….average folk just like everyone else.

I have a philosophy about traveling specifically, but problems in general. Why fall off center about something that is completely out of your control? Why do we expect the airlines to be perfect? They don’t have a prior to reinforce such a high standard.  I appear at the airport expecting to be flexible, knowing anything could happen and most of it isn’t worth losing my sense of humor.  I have my security blankets with me and they include, a kindle full of interesting reading material, bible, journal, music, computer, camera, needlepoint and a couple of movies. Really, I have enough to entertain myself for as long as they make me wait. I actually like having all this free time to let my mind swirl around its own thoughts.

An altered course can just be time found.  And if that time finds me in the company of all these grumpy people complaining to the poor ticket agents then that’s a good time to find my ear plugs, avoid eye contact, and pull out the kindle. I really don’t want anyone to confuse their problems with mine. I’m walking into a lion’s den in a couple days…and I know they can’t touch me, but I hope they don’t try to scare me too much. My devotional this morning said, “consider it joy when you experience trials”… yikes. I’m deep breathing joy, exhaling fear.

I wonder what that old man is going to do with the photo he took of my hair….watching people in an airport is endlessly entertaining. It never occurred to me that people are watching me too.

 

A magnificent thunderstorm rolled in after midnight. It sang and danced all over our house most of the day’s first hours and I laid there a captive audience. Craig mumbled it might scare Kira, so I crept up stairs to peek in on her. She was breathing evenly and softly on a body pillow of stuffed animals. I wanted to stroke her puffing cheeks, but the fear of waking her prevented me from touching her. She’s a sleeping bear, and waking her produces a great growl. No one dares wake her in this house. When she awakes on her own she takes a lot of time to come around to a happy mood. I come for her when I hear her playing in her bed. I backed out of her room quietly.

These photos are from the first trip I took to Uganda, when I first fell in love with the people and felt God say to me, "this is where I want you."

 I returned to my bed and listened to the storm. I welcome God to rain down on me like that storm, surround me with His power and cleansing abilities. I hope the noise of His storm will drown out the thoughts of all my concerns about the upcoming trial in Uganda. There could be some serious anxiety brewing in me if I don’t walk into the rain of God’s word and presence and allow Him to wash it all away. When my mind considers how manipulative the cross examiner will be in the case next week I have to decide to refuse the fear. I don’t welcome being confused, having details twisted, or listening to lies said about me. Just the thought of it gives me a gag response.

This event is going to require all the self-control God can give me. That means I must first yield to Him and acknowledge it is His strength that I wear. Inhale the truth, exhale the lies. Remember the promises of God. Ask for wisdom. Seek understanding. Follow the light of God and stay out of the darkness. (That’s my personal pep talk.)

I received an email from my friend Jennifer who shared some verses from Job, so this morning I studied chapters 28 and 29. He talked about how no one knows the way to wisdom, asking everywhere, “where can wisdom be found?” (28:12) until he says, “God alone knows the way to it and he alone knows where it dwells” (v.23) and “he (God) said to man, ‘The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding”. (v28)

Then Job remembers the good ole days when he was respected in public, honored by men when he spoke, all because he “rescued the poor who cried for help, and the fatherless who had none to assist him” (29:12).  He said, “I put on righteousness as my clothing, justice was my robe and turban.” (v.14) and, “I broke the fangs of the wicked and snatched the victims from their teeth.” (v.17)

Jen was right. I represent Kirabo Seeds, and we are going into break the fangs of the wicked and snatch the victims from their teeth.

So what do I need to do first, to stop my trembling knees and chattering teeth? Fear God and shun evil. Expect there will be suffering. Put on righteousness like my clothing and justice to cover my head. If I do that God will not only protect me but take care of all the details I cannot control. Why? Because God put it on my heart to assist the fatherless, so I can trust He will make the way open and clear so we can do His work.

If I get nervous at the trial, and I know I will, I’m going to close my eyes and remember the storm last night. The power and presence is all God, and He alone will wash away the lies. And the only fear I should welcome is the trembling I have in His presence. What does it mean to fear the Lord? To go my own way, making a left turn out off the path. Going into this without God, that is terrifying. No. I can only go forward into this trial in Uganda with the strength and wisdom of God.

Packing for a trip to Africa is never an easy task. The first thing is a fresh new journal, and my tattered bible. Camera equipment is non- negotiable, just ask Craig. There is so much need for useful things from America that I fill two suitcases without putting in a single piece of my clothing. I’ve been running around gathering last minute items. Medicines, vitamins, converter plugs, and mosquito repellants are heavy! Craig and I both upgraded our phones from blackberries to iphones so that we could give our blackberries to my lawyer and Abdul, who have been working tirelessly on our case. I’m searching for a used laptop I can give the woman who will be investigating the orphaned status of the children who then might be given into our care at Kirabo Seeds. Books are the biggest problem for my suitcase because they are so heavy, and yet vital. I’ve got children’s books for the library, and I’ve got bible studies, bibles, and devotionals. This time I’m bringing food because ten hour days without a bite to eat if we are on the run might be something they can get used to, but it makes me wither. And here’s the problem that comes with that, I’ve got to bring enough cliff bars for everyone. Then there is the candy, I love to pass out small packs of m&ms to kids on the street, or individually wrapped cherry lifesavers. It’s a tiny little sweet, but the smiles they produce sustain my love for Uganda. I am so crazy about the children there. I usually bring a hundred jumbo blowpops to give to children, but this time they are too heavy for my limited load. Then there is the perfume, nail polish and lip gloss gifts to pass around to the ladies.

This is Phiona with Zita, the tailor who makes my African dresses! I'm having a few made for Kira this trip.

After all that the question remains, what to wear? All of the skirts that show my knees are out, and that’s the main no-no. I don’t wear pants too often there mostly because if I go to rural areas of Uganda it is considered cross dressing. It is a culture that appreciates getting dressed in your very best as a sign of respect towards those you will meet. Yet, the laundry process is so hard on good clothing that I don’t want to bring my best clothes. I toss in a lot of pretty skirts and tops that can mix and match, things I could consider giving away to someone new that I meet who definitely needs it more than I do. It is a goal to leave most of my things behind with someone else, yet not many people wear a two, so it doesn’t always happen. I never feel obligated to leave my clothing, but it is an obligation to bring gifts, and this is anxiety producing!

This was at a wedding.

What I’ve observed in times past when I see what people bring to wear to Uganda is the casual comfortable clothing we wear all the time in America, and these outfits don’t impress the Ugandans at all. It is best to put on a pretty dress, yet everything in me looks around and thinks I’m going to get filthy with the dust and fumes flying everywhere, and I would really rather wear gym clothes. But I have learned the best compliment I can pay to the Ugandan people is to dress pretty at all times. It makes them smile, they will tell me, “ah, you look so smart!”, and they will feel honored because I dressed up to meet them. This time I have to go to court and look my part.

Rebecca dressed me in a rwandese outfit.

What I really wish I could put in my suitcase is electricity. Sigh. The electric company in Kampala protests to the government by having regular blackouts that can last for days. It is the one inconvenience of being in Uganda that can toss me into a tizzy. Especially when I am alone without Craig I need to be connected to him, to the kids. It makes me really cranky when I can’t post my blog. I can go dirty, take a cold shower, use a pit latrine, inhale fumes, and wash my laundry by hand, but losing power tests my temper. Herb had a generator, but as soon as he returned to the states in Nov. it blew. He won’t be back to Uganda until two days after I leave for America.

Guarantee: feet get dirty.

With that confession I remind myself of the “missionary talk” I give others who travel with me to Uganda to serve. It is going without our conveniences that reminds us to use our hands and serve the people, rather than cling to our modern technologies like a security blanket. Taking a break from our technology is part of the experience. I keep reminding myself. I am guilty of what drives me crazy when people go to serve on a short term mission trip: they spend too much time trying to connect with the world that is waiting for them behind, and they miss opportunities to connect with the people they travelled so far to serve. When we are tied to our screens, we are not engaging with the people. My personal discipline is to wake up hours before everyone else to post my blog and email my husband, so no one actually sees me using my screens. This way I am not tied to my electronics when I ought to have face time with people.

It is ALL about them.

It makes me laugh because whenAmerican teenagers are taken on a retreat they are forbidden to bring their technology. But when adults plan to have a similar service oriented retreat they are offended at the suggestion and won’t consider traveling without their technology. Why do we ask our children to do something we ourselves are not willing to do? Because we can force them? No wonder we have so many rebellious kids. Still…I start to cry when I think I won’t be able to communicate with home…or in my case…the world. I am such a hypocrite. What I know and what I feel just haven’t reconciled yet into a choice…but there is hope for me. And I can ask for a small miracle that there will be electricity for the two weeks I’m in Kampala. Please?

What I really hope to pass out are smiles like this one.

Yesterday in church, I learned what the second law of thermodynamics is. I didn’t think I would care a bit about that piece of information until he said: “left alone things fall apart not together”.

Now there’s a truth that applies to every bit of life, not just thermodynamics. My family will fall apart if left alone. My health, my house, my garden, my relationships, all of the parts of life that are important to me will fall apart if I leave them alone. Most importantly, as the pastor was keen to shine light on it, my spiritual life falls apart if left alone. That’s why I know I have to draw close to God by reading the bible, prayer, attending church, spending time with Christians and serving so the roaring fire doesn’t diminish to a flickering flame.

I think about this important transition time I am in with Kirabo Seeds. Last year at this time we had just returned from our adoption, we were a week home with our new baby. We were overwhelmed, but not alone. We were so full of purpose because we had agreed to work with Another lIfe and help the orphanage there from our end in America. I was deliriously happy to have these new purposes in our lives. Spending all of my energies and talents to help needy orphaned children was fulfilling and it gave me great joy to serve God in this way. I think I actually floated through those early days.

We were quick to spread the word about the needs of the children in Uganda, and people responded with an overwhelming response. We initiated the process of becoming a nonprofit so we wouldn’t limit what God could do. It was a time in our life that was better than a honeymoon.

Through the year I sensed some of the business in Uganda wasn’t being handled in the way I think is right. It didn’t matter to me that I lived on the other side of the world. I wasn’t going to let it go and shrug in defeat. First, I hired Phiona to be my eyes and hands. When that was vehemently rejected by Another Life, I booked a flight in October to go see for myself what was really happening. It didn’t make any sense to me that they could object to having someone there to do bible study with the children, help them stay on task with chores, and teach them how to study and be good students. I knew then there was something they were hiding. I was not going to leave that situation alone to fall further apart.

As I sat on the planes traveling towards Uganda for that trip I was full of concern for how we were going to negotiate a clear working relationship with Another Life. I was certain that we could hammer out a good set of guidelines so the work for the children would be satisfying for both parties. (I will die an optimist.)

going to the well...there's a thought to think about deeply...

That’s not exactly what happened. I arrived to find it was so far beyond repair that it was criminal. I didn’t leave that problem alone either. I pursued it with the authorities until it was no longer me pushing the case, it became their own investigation, Uganda is pursuing him for justice for what he did to us and to innocent children. Next Monday I will sit in court in Uganda and testify.

I’m not leaving it alone from here either. I’m traveling to Uganda this week to see the resolution of our past efforts and seek justice, but more significantly I’m eager to begin the future of our working with orphans in Uganda. This is not an end, this is the new and improved beginning.

All of the problems we encountered this past year were our boot camp lessons for working in Africa. These were things we needed to know. And now we know. No one is going to do that to this Mzungu Mama again. I can promise that much. When I heard it loud and clear in my heart from God himself that my life was to be spent in serving Him by helping the orphans in Uganda I signed up. I enlisted in the army of God. And I’m not about to go awol because it got hard. I don’t see it as an option to quit, because now I know that things left alone fall apart not together.

The fire I have for the orphans in Uganda is a raging roaring sight, and if the enemy comes anywhere near me he will be devoured by it. And this is because God didn’t leave me alone through this whole time of learning, he brought it all together. Afterall, He is the author of the second law of thermodymanics, I suppose it is fair to say he’ll follow his own laws. I’m so grateful he doesn’t leave me alone, because I would fall apart.

Here's what I know...a scowl like this needs some basic life needs met, and most of all the experience of God's love. That's what Kirabo Seeds is going to bring.

The trees don’t lose their leaves during winter in San Antonio, and I wore shorts twice this week. Can Spring arrive if there hasn’t been a winter?  Yes. It is subtle, requiring astute observation, keen awareness. It is very much like watching your own children grow. It can just happen and shock and be the full heat of summer if I don’t pay attention, or the details can be counted, gathered and make sense.

The hot bitterness of the black coffee I drink just made me pucker. I’m wide awake on the one morning of the week that it is ok to sleep in and I’m not sure why. But, I like to be alone with God in a sleeping house. I feel his hug and reassurance. Last Saturday morning I awoke at my friend’s house in Katy. I got to be the official babysitter for Anna Grace and Abigail Anthis. Their parents took a night in town at some fancy hotel. I support dating your spouse. Craig and I have had a date every week of our marriage, and whenever we can get an overnight we grasp it.

 When the girls woke up they snuggled with me on the couch while we giggled and made a plan.  After our chocolate chip pancakes, we set out for Katy’s itty bitty farmer’s market. I never miss the opportunity to visit a farmer’s market. I would have taken them to the big one in Houston, but we were pressed for time. I have happy memories of buying orchids there.

After purchasing a catnip based mosquito repellent, giant carrots for the horses, and some harvest bread we went to Target for some craft supplies.Shopping with the girls was enjoyable, so much unlike toting around boys who refuse to tolerate my looking in the girl aisles. Girls have comments about what they see in terms of likes or don’t likes and they know why, but boys view a place like that as a maze for hide and seek no matter how old they are.

At the kitchen table in the Anthis home we got deeply involved in creating things of beauty. Isn’t that what girls do? Anna Grace colored pictures and slipped them into the new art binder we made. Abi made cards for friends she missed. And together we worked on cutting and tying Kirabo Seeds tags for the necklaces I sell to raise money for the orphanage. I assured the girls that they were working as missionaries by helping me with this project. The five year old puffed up her chest, sighed and said,
“I know.”

Abi and I have a ripping sensation when we are separated. So when her parents came home she scowled.  I reminded her that she and I had an 8:am date in the third row at church the next morning. Everything in me sighs when I go home to Kingsland Baptist Church, it is my family and I miss them. I understand there will never be another church that makes the same kind of home in my heart.

I spent the next evening at my friend Jackie’s house. I love her Colombian family and we had some good laughs at her kitchen table and interesting talks. But nothing was as much fun as hovering with Jackie over the whelping box of their chocolate lab’s three week old puppies. We spent hours marveling at God’s gifts to us, discovering nature in action. It is mesmerizing to see the maternal instincts of mama with the babies, and to watch how the puppies respond to her and each other. The tired look in her eyes as the babies suck her empty. Snuggling a furry pup up close and taking in their distinct puppy smell is an experience that ranks highest on my favorites. Jackie has three dogs. I don’t know how she is going to make it through the heartache of letting these four beauties go. She is their “abuela”( grandma).

It couldn’t cross my mind to tag one of them as my own because I know raising a puppy is full time work for a year and a half. Puppies are serious commitments and hardwork that pay off with a lifetime of enjoying a great dog. And I have one of those. A puppy in my life now would cause me to drown for sure. (a stabled horse is a different matter though…)

Last night Craig and I enjoyed the local Thai restaurant. Have you ever had TomKhaGai soup? I promise you it is the best tasting food you can put in your mouth. It is a must try food. This weekend I have cloistered myself at home to take in as much family time as I can get because next Saturday morning I will wake up in Kampala Uganda. It’s going to be a busy adventure there in a criminal court room, rewarding work to begin our new orphanage, and wonderful to see my Ugandan friends/family again. But oh my heart is going to ache missing my family back here. Two weeks is a long time to be separated.

I think I’ll get started on the chocolate chip pancakes for my own kids. I hope your weekend is full of family moments that string up into happy memories, little pearls you can hold between your finger and thumb. I need to hold my kids tightly this weekend, make sure they know how much I love them, and admire the luster God has put in their eyes, memorize them as they are right now. I am feeling strangely sad, even drippy at the thought of leaving them. I suppose this is because I sense danger on this trip. I’ll be relieved when Abdul assures me that he’s arranged for my safety.

Craig and I discussed last night how fast and hard the enemy has come up against us since we began working for orphans in Uganda. Craig’s mom assured us that means we are doing a great work for the kingdom. We’ve never been this far outside of the boat before. It’s true with God anything is possible, He will protect and keep us safe from the schemes of the enemy. I cling to the promises of God with everything I’ve got. And it makes me smile when I remember amateurs built the Arc, and professionals built the titanic. I might not know what I am doing, but I’ve got God giving me instructions. We are not going to sink. But sometimes I get stuck on the cabin fever and stink in the ark, the storm, forgetting that the dove is coming. I have to keep my eye out for that dove, it is like watching for Spring in the South. It’s like watching children growing up under my nose. It always happens.

I have to testify at court in Uganda beginning February 1st. I have so many questions about the process. Our court experience for our adoption left us with conflicting feelings. Our lawyer said, “that went well”, yet everything inside me screamed “we are ruined!” There’s no way to describe the tension that arises on that day. For more than a year adopting families trudge forward through paperwork, fundraising, legal processes, hefty payments, training, and the endless months of silent waiting while still feeling “pregnant”. It’s a pregnancy without a due date. The labor pains are not physical they are mental and emotional and they last not hours, but months. So to scramble and arrive at the exact hour for the court date in a foreign country and sit across from a judge who barely glances away from the paper at you, and understand that all of the prior effort depends on his decision…well…that’s a load of stress. I do know of several families who got that far and were denied, or sent away for more information. That’s a horror.

I don’t know much about the legal system in Uganda except you are guilty until proven innocent. So, it’s a little unnerving for me to appear in court again this time as a witness. Will his lawyer batter me? Will I be able to keep my temper calm and in control? Can I tolerate listening to lies said about me?  I can’t deny it’s a little tense. I’m going to rely heavily on God and trust in the promises which guarantee me peace in all circumstances. And I’m going to need all of you to remember me in your prayers, and share encouraging scriptures to strengthen me.

What I know for sure, the whole experience is going to be endlessly interesting and offer me experience in Uganda that will be valuable as we continue to desire to help their neediest children. I can’t explain how it is that I fell in love with the people of Uganda on that first trip in Oct. 2008. When I witnessed their intense desire to learn it was the first spark. There was a mighty shift in my heart, and alteration that cannot be reversed, even if someone lies to me, steals from me, and obstructs our pure intentions. Our adoption arose from the love for Uganda, and post adoption, our love for the children there has only grown and intensified. I don’t know why, it just is what it is. I have to believe this is God working through me and I’m happy to yield to His push. This whole ministry is so beyond me, bigger than me and not about me at all. I feel  puny when I look at the entire scope but then I see God fill in all the space, cushioning me and reassuring me I’m not doing this in my own strength, nor am I ever alone. That’s why I have great peace. That’s why I am once again going to the other side of the world alone, knowing I’ll be face to face with the enemy. That enemy is no match for the one who is in me. My mantra will be: “less of me Lord, more of you”.

The results of this trial will have no influence on what Kirabo Seeds does next. This trial is a resolution of a past issue. We are looking forward to the future. It would be excellent to recover the money that was taken so we can put it into the new Children’s Home, but if it isn’t, I know God will provide somehow for His children. He always does. I also know justice belongs to God and it is out of my hands. No matter which way it goes, I accept the fact that God allows the outcome. I have no expectations, only hopes. The difference there is I know I am not in control of the outcome.

 I plan to be in Uganda for two full weeks. I am hoping this will give me opportunity to get the new home ready for children. If I focus on the positive work that is in our future, it shines a bright light onto the dark that surrounded our past, and having the light makes it so much more bearable to endure the darkness. I am not afraid. I am encouraged and I am willing to go forward and start again. I wish you could see the sparkle in my eye.

Wednesday mornings I have my riding lesson with Sandee and then the rest of the week I practice with homework she gives me. I anticipate those times in my week that I can escape to the stables alone like a fifteen year old who is just about to get his driver’s license.

When I arrive, I put my phone away. That’s the first good feeling. Then I open my door and the smells of the barn welcome me, and I have to say poop odor and all, I love it. In my mind, that sensory stimulus at the stables surrounds me with the understanding that I’m on a short vacation from the demands of my life. Everything in my body exhales deeply as I carry my bag of horsey things to the post where I will tack up Gunner.

This is Gunner, hte horse I am leasing.

I’ve been working on endurance and strength for the past two weeks so I can learn to canter. In other words I’m developing a vice grip of the inner thighs so that the horse could tip over sideways and I’d still be in the saddle. I can’t find the words to describe how sore I’ve been in those muscles since I began riding in August. I am beginning to doubt there will ever be a morning after a ride that I don’t groan when I get out of bed.

I’m not sure what I like better, preparing Gunner to ride from the ground where I can look in his eyes and touch him all over, or riding him and feeling his power yield to my requests. He has begun to recognize me now when I go to the pasture gate with his halter. Yesterday he left his hay to come greet me and stood still as I slipped his halter on and led him out. I’m beginning to think we are developing a sort of bond that I first imagined would be the best reason to begin riding. I’m simply fascinated by animals, and I knew I was eager to bond with a horse, and it is as good as I hoped it would be. After my lesson Sandee said, “I’m glad to see he is doing what you ask him to do because in lessons he has been really stubborn with the students.” I told her, “I don’t think there is one thing I ask of him that he refuses. We are getting along very well.” I got a look of approval.

This is Lauren and Jack

I’m feeling comfortable posting at the trot, and working on the seated trot. I can make two laps around the arena without stirrups and still post (which is why my inner thighs scream in the mornings). This is the indication that I am strong enough to hold on at a faster gait. So yesterday she said, “You are ready for the cross rails”, which meant she was going to let me begin jumping. I love jumping, and I’ve been doing small jumps at the other stable and it’s such fun to aim and score. I can honestly say it’s a rush.

So, we do a few rounds on the small jump where he basically hops over. Then I brought him over to the side lines where there are two jumps in a row and he flew over the jump and cantered out of it. It took my breath away. It was the first sensation of flying on a horse that I have ever experienced, and it surprised me so much that I wasn’t ready for the next jump, and Gunner sensed this so he pulled off to the side and halted. I squealed,  my breathing rate increased, and I was more alive in all of my senses than I’ve felt in a long time. That’s the moment I knew there was no turning back from riding horses. I love it.

So I practiced those flying jumps a few more times and listened to Sandee describe her thought process when she’s going over a jump. She sings in her mind and thinks stretch from the chest through to the heels. So now I have my homework for the next week. I’m itchy to be back out there but I have to wait until tomorrow.

After riding for an hour I brush Gunner down and take as many hugs as he’ll give me, which means he presses his head into my arms and lets me hold him. After I remove the bridle and bit I feed him chunks of carrots I buy at the farmer’s market. These are fresh, sweet and crunchy, and it turns him into a beggar. He reaches his nose down to my bag sniffing for more, and he paws at the ground with his left foreleg to let me know one more would be nice. He’s a gentle giant. He usually gets a few more carrots because I enjoy giving him that pleasure.

I brought my camera with the big lens yesterday and spent a leisurely hour mixing my two loves: horses and photography. I gave myself an hour to photograph my instructor’s daughter Lauren with her pony Jack. She is fourteen and homeschooled, and I’m thinking about when Kira is her age and I hope we can share the stable experience together. I also aimed my lens at Andie who was riding Buddy. He is a stinker of a horse who needed her expertise to put him back into line so he’ll behave better with the students. Buddy is a gorgeous draft horse. He shares the pasture with Gunner, and I enjoy his teasing. Andie is another instructor at the stables, and she also babysits for me. The kids love her.

He's a big horse!

He was getting a good reminder.

After riding and working with my camera, I was completely free from stress when I returned home to my desk and resumed the process of preparing to travel to Uganda. Can you imagine? No stress. It’s new to me. Time spent at the stables is a good head sweep for me. It seems to brush all the dirt and debris away so I can think clearly. I’m hooked.

Thanks everyone for your supportive and encouraging responses from yesterday’s surprise news. I was still asleep in bed when the phone rang and it was Phiona, “Tonya, he came back, they got him and we are in court now, we need you to be praying!”

I learned an hour or so later that he posted bond at the hearing, and his passport was taken by authorities along with everyone who helped him post bond. Thankfully his wife remained out of the country with family. I did not want her to be blamed for his business.

 The official court date is set for January 31^st where there will be a jury hearing. The next message I received  from Phiona was my lawyer says I have to be there. My life here is not an easy one to drop and go to Africa.

Immediately I thought of Emily, my niece, and Kira’s first choice mommy from the beginning. I was her second choice, and when Emily left us for home, Kira looked at me and said, “you’re not the one!” Choking on my rejection I told her, “Well, that’s too bad little chili chocolate because I’m the one you are stuck with til death do us part.”  She got over it. But she’s still got that seriously intense bond with Emily. So I’m prayerfully hopeful I can bring Auntie Em here to be me while I go around the world again.

I suppose today I will be booking a flight, rummaging for malaria pills,  pulling out my Africa dresses, and filling my kindle with excellent books to read.  I might even tote along a knitting project. (Kira is growing out of her sweaters I made.) The first question I’m asked is: “Are you scared?” Not at all. There are many reasons for this, the first one being I know God is in control of it all and his plans are to prosper me not to cause me harm.  I will be protected at all times, and going to Uganda is like going home. I have many supporters and helpers. I have great peace. (I’m not looking forward to looking into those eyes again, just seeing his picture makes me twitch, but I will get through that with prayer and scripture.)

I am very concerned about the safety of Phiona at this time. She had a dream the other night that something happened to her, so I’m asking you to pray mostly that she is safe, wise and careful. In the court room all of the people on the accused side looked into her eyes with hatred. It isn’t fair that she is getting blamed for their choices. Phiona is a hero in my eyes.

She endured months of criticism, pressure, and unfair treatment while she was present with the children only so she could help them with their home work and teach them the bible. I know why they didn’t want her there, and the reasons for that are going to be revealed in the court case. She brought in the light of God’s truth and goodness and shined it around the place, and behold, there was a lot of dirt. It’s time for a good cleaning.

The end of this matter is near. We thank God that it has only taken three months to bring this case to court. Kirabo Seeds is so excited to anticipate our future. The best news of all, is that regardless of the results of the court case, nothing will prevent us from beginning a new orphanage in Uganda. The work God gave us to do from the beginning for the orphaned children will be accomplished, and God will be glorified in it. We are just doing what He said, no glory in that for us. We anticipate the end of one matter will open the beginning of Kirabo Seed’s work in Uganda for the children. And that is exciting.

Adams has returned to Uganda from his trip to Australia. He had permission to be away until the ninth of January, however, he stayed until the 16^th. They picked him up when he crossed the border and put him behind bars. The court case is now being heard as I write.

I am asking anyone out there who reads this to please pray that God shows his almighty power. The accused has been caught trying to bribe once before in this case, and I suspect he will try again now.  We believe our God is greater than the evil in this world and He cares about protecting innocent children. It is all in His hands. The outcome will be accepted as the will of God. We must have faith. We must trust. We must believe.

I’m meditating on Psalm 37 today. I hope you will read it with our cause in mind and ask God’s favor on the children of Uganda.

The rest of my words today are saved for prayer. Will you join me?

I was so tired when I went to bed last night I put desitin on my toothbrush. I don’t think keeping the baby’s butt cream next to the toothbrush from here out is a good idea. This has been a good tired, the sort where you’ve been to six parties and when it finally ends wee in the night, the need for sleep slams full force on all sides. Coming home to Katy is exhilarating for me.

Jordan and Kevin went to UTurn at Kingsland Baptist Church. They essentially had a group weekend retreat in homes with their best friends while a college student came to be the leader of activity, bible study, service projects, and prayer. Besides drawing closer to God over the weekend, the objectives include no sleep, too much junk food, and hysteria accompanied with laughter. In years past we hosted Uturn at our home for high school boys, and we loved getting to know the teenagers in that way. This year Donny was invited to be a leader for eighth grade boys. These are kids who he used to be their leader of life group (Sunday night bible study)  when they were in sixth grade. It is so interesting for me, mom, to stand on the sidelines and see him have his own long term ministry, impacting young men, leading them, listening, and sharing the truths about the love of Christ. Aren’t those the moments as mom when I ought to be walking down the red carpet in an original Valentino gown, glittering with jewels, smiling for the camera ready to receive the lifetime achievement award? Well, I don’t need worldly recognition, really, though I do love to dress up but I shy from being on the other end of the camera. What I really mean to say is the feeling I get when I see him with those kids, and hear one of them stand on stage and explain how Donny really helped him fully comprehend the idea that Jesus walks the whole life journey right at his side and he is never alone, is a feeling that is as satisfying as receiving a life time achievement award.

uturn rally

My first ministry is my family, and that’s God’s design. I remember when I was new to my faith I was wrangling the idea of serving while I had two young children in my care and I wasn’t sure how to fit it into our life. The pastor said one morning, “if you are not able to keep your own grass mowed, why in the world are you here at church mowing the grass?” Light bulbs flickered and I realized that first I must learn to keep my own grass mowed, and then I’ll be useful to help mow the Kingdom lawn. That lesson has served me well to keep my priorities aligned as my Christian walk journeyed our family into a major ministry for orphan care in Uganda.

I saw Kevin and Jordan briefly  during the rally on Sunday morning, otherwise this weekend they are in their “Katy Homes away from home”. We all disperse and stay with different friends, and I’ll meet them in the church parking lot at noon to return to San Antonio. If this doesn’t show the blessings of church family I can’t imagine how else to explain it.

I love to see teens in worship.

Donny caught a ride with three other Baylor students. I searched for him in a sea of students wearing identical tshirts and when I found him he gave me the biggest hug, kissed me, and kept his arm around my shoulder. I share this for all the moms out there with awkward teen boys who at the age of 13-17 can barely acknowledge you are mom in the midst of peers. Hang on, you haven’t been forsaken, they do come back around to confidently displaying affection towards us in front of their friends. The love between Donny and I is a tangible thing and when I have the opportunity grasp it, I cradle it in my arms and just marvel at it, in slight disbelief that we have finally arrived at the ideal relationship.

my boys in Uganda (donny in the middle)

Parenting is hard and not for the timid. There are no guarantees and we are really not in control. So to arrive at this place where we are mutually respectful, and he is eager for us to coach him, and it is our pleasure, but all the decisions must be his own….well that’s a front row seat. Sometimes the show is terrifying, entertaining, hilarious, and very sad, but ultimately so satisfying.

I thought I had said goodbye to Donny there at the rally because he was heading back to Baylor afterwards, but the girls went to spend the afternoon with their families, so I got a call from him and he said, “mom can I hang out with you?” Absolutely!

I picked him up and he accompanied me to a meeting at Starbuck’s. I met with a high school senior, Katrina Wilson, who intends to give her life to orphan care, and her mom, Melanie, joined us. In October I received an out of the blue, I don’t know who you are  email from Katrina explaining how she has a passion for this ministry and feels God has drawn her to Uganda, and could she join us for the summer mission trip? Affirmative. I couldn’t stand in the way of God’s calling, He’s my boss, I too do what he says.

Turns out when we first moved to Katy and I signed Donny up to work in the nursery at church, he was in Melanie’s classroom. And she loved him, so it was a great reunion for us all to meet at Starbuck’s and see how God has arranged for our lives to intertwine. Only God can accomplish such an interesting plan. It is a good day when you get a big “aha” moment that was uniquely provided by God himself.

We had a lively chat about Kirabo Seeds, but what was most fascinating for me is that Donny got to see me work. He got to see how God is using me, his fireball mama that usually makes him wonder what is wrong with me, in the lives of others. He finally grasped that what I do is a ministry, not just another passion in my life that hangs on a long list of interests. And it fired him up for participating in the ministry, and somehow I believe that he may have just dropped the label in his mind of “the work my parents do in Uganda” to be replaced with “an amazing opportunity for me to serve God with my family”. I believe now he can really see it is “the ministry God has given my parents to do”. (I’ve been saying this so often that I must’ve sounded like the girl at the drive through and so he must have been hearing “may I take your order?”)

It made me happy, gloriously happy to see him get ignited by God for the work we are doing in Uganda. As his mom I can’t require him to participate. He’s working for Pine Cove this summer, and it has been questionable if he’s going to join us in Africa when it finishes. But now, after yesterday’s meeting, I believe Donny heard from God about that. And for once as mom, I didn’t try to be God in his life. My goodness it is good to see I can get something right as a mother. I say that with a guilty conscience because Kevin won’t forgive me for a while since I said “I love you honey” in front of his friends, and I had the audacity to ask for a photo of him with them. He shot me down, but Jordan and his buds were eager to allow me the pleasure. The mom life…gotta love it.

these are jordan's friends