the birthday of disbelief

Who would resist the perfection of the Sonoran desert in early March at a gorgeous resort? Not me. Not Kira. Too bad Craig has to go to work while we are here. It is so interesting to return to Scottsdale. I forgot how much I love the air, the sky, the landscape, the mountains and the energy in the possibility of discovering fun in a regular day.

As I lay in bed being served “tea” by Kira, I am looking through my pinterest boards. It makes me happy to see all the images I have collected there. I’m seeking inspiration for my day alone with Kira. I’m going to make some beautiful photographs of her in the desert. We’re going to go do some shopping in my favorite places. We’re going to lounge at the pool. And I’m going to eat my birthday chocolate truffles…which I’ll no doubt find on my shopping adventure, or I should say, they will find me, they always do.

I don’t believe I am 45. It’s weird. I don’t mind so much about the aging bits of life. I step over them like an obstacle on the path and don’t pay much attention or look behind. It’s been almost nine years since I first moved to Scottsdale. What I discovered in the three years living here is that I love to connect with nature because I feel closest to God there. I climbed mountains while I lived here with the same zeal that I am now learning to ride horses. I learned the names of every desert plant and tree and marveled they could grow in a place so thirsty and hot. We raised our puppy Lucy here and I walked these desert washes daily protecting her from coyotes with the ferocity of a mama bear. I biked everywhere while I lived here and that’s something I miss the most. I will rent a bicycle for Kira and I today and go have a little memory lane fun. The three years I lived here in Arizona I felt the artist in me blossom and flourish. The beauty of nature here coaxed it out and nurtured me into a more sensitive secure artist. I studied creative writing while I lived here and those pursuits have been useful to me as a blogger. This is a happy place for me.

I’m not in need of producing an amazing birthday. I’m so content to be in each moment and take them as they come and experience them completely with purity and without expectation. That’s the kind of day I hope to have. Quiet, simple, giving myself entirely to my sweet daughter. I have always believed the best gift to recieve is what I get when I give myself away. I’m giving myself to Kira for my birthday and what I will get is going to be the best gift I could hope for today. I am so full of love for the little girl she is, and how much we connect. The gift of her coming to our family is one that still arouses great awe in a God who could have a child born on one continent but meant for a family on another. We are so blessed to have her with us.