Friday morning I set my alarm for 3:am. Strangely I was awake waiting for it to go off. My plans were to go to Katy and sell all our Kirabo Seeds merchandise at my friend’s Tot2Tot sale of children’s clothing. I was supposed to leave Thursday night and be there Friday morning to set up but… I have a three year old and she needs as much of mama as she can get. It just didn’t feel right leaving her two afternoons in a row with Jordan and Jack. She is emerging from a highly insecure phase and I know having as much of me as she can get keeps her on solid footing. One long day without me is better than two. Mom needs to be home during the week. And may I just add that Jordan is suffering a major case of senioritis? He’s counting the days for when his high school career is behind him and meanwhile he’s just checked out of the responsible bits of life. He’s not quite as dependable in this odd phase. I remember Donny going through this too. I understand, I do. The future is a little overwhelming and it is easier to go in a shell and regress a little. But! That’s not a good recipe for managing a testy Kira.
I began driving at four in the morning for a three-hour trip to go sell crafts from Uganda and to promote our work for the orphans and widows. Two miles from my house a deer slammed into the front of my minivan. I screamed as I watched parts of it fly over the top of my van. Thankfully it didn’t crash into my windshield. I felt a deep stomach lurching feeling as I realized I just killed an animal. That won’t feel well for a while. I saw parts of my bumper protruding at an odd angle and figured that probably wasn’t such a good thing. I continued to drive down highway 281. I planned to stop for gas before changing highways and I would look at the damage then. One mile into my plan the engine light came on and my car began to steam and shut down. I was pulling off the side of the road whether it was my plan or not.
Smashed is a good word for what I saw. The smash was decorated with deer bits and fur. I learned that everything behind my bumper seems to be made of plastic and it was spilling out onto the shoulder of the road in small pieces. It was 4:14am when I called my husband. He came to my rescue with his shining armor of a Honda accord and provided a bum warmer to take off my chill. We waited together for an hour and a half before the tow truck arrived and hauled my deer ruined heap away to the collision body shop.
I suppose I wasn’t meant to go sell anything that day. My day suddenly freed up and I could decide how to use it, after the insurance claim is made and a rental car is in my possession. Otherwise I just found 15 hours I didn’t think I would have had. My dog will be happy to get her walk. I’ll be happy to go ride a horse later. I’m going to be here for my standing Friday night date with my husband. I’ll get some work done at the computer that was going to have to wait until next week. I’ll be here for Kira when she wakes up from her nap. That’s the most important part of my day. She needs mama to sit in the kitchen on the red sofa and be available for whatever she feels like doing. She might bring her blanket, climb up in my lap and cuddle while she rubs my earlobe between her thumb and finger. She might fix me tea. She might bring me a long string of books to read to her. She might hope for a tickle, beg me to stop and then tease me for more. She might be naughty and require me to hold a firm boundary. She will be happy to have me all to herself.
I could be miserable and bothered. I could be grumpy about the hassle, the expense and the loss of sales. Why should I let these things upset me? It’s not my way to let life interrupt my happy mood. Being happy is a choice I make. I do enjoy the promise each day has in it for surprise and fun.
On Saturday when Craig went to retrieve things from the van for me he had Kira with him. She saw what happened to the front of HER van. She said, “what happened?” Daddy told her, “mama hit a deer and broke the van.” She was disturbed. She came home telling everyone what I did and she even said to me, “that was naughty, you need a spankin.” And she said it with her hands on her hips. My my my she is cute.