For so many years my Christian walk was so safe and protected within the walls of my home where as a stay at home mom of four boys I ministered primarily to my family. I thought my Christian bubble was the Christian life. I knew the enemy lurked about but I felt like an untouchable for him. I seriously put my hand up like a police officer, or as one who would rudely interrupt someone and put my hand in front of their face, and I’d say to the enemy: “get behind me Satan”. And I knew I was protected. Always. Still am, but he comes at me in more devious ways now.
Since Craig and I were called first to adoption, and now the ministry of orphan care, we are no longer in the safe zone. We are out “there”. And doing a strong work for God brings on strong opposition. For the first time in our lives we have many enemies who see us for what they can get for themselves while calling it helping the cause.
When a friend betrays the bleeding wound it leaves me is astonishing. There is so much pain. Sometimes I look around me and wonder where the candid cameras are hiding. This life is unreal. But it doesn’t stop, and there are no cameras, and I realize I am on the front line. Then I think, “but I’m just a mom who lives in Texas. And I cry to God like a little scared girl, WHAT do you want me to do?”
The answer is really simple, soak in the wisdom from the bible as if it were the only nourishment I can get. Lean on God with all I’ve got, and then more. Pray. And continue with the work I’ve been given to do, take care of the children who have been completely orphaned in Uganda. Here’s the hardest part, I’ve got to let the battle be God’s to fight. Maybe he will use me, maybe not.
What I can’t do is pull out my sword and cut off someone’s ear. (I can so understand the urge to do that.)
When I read through the Psalms and feel David’s cries to God as the enemies surround him I have a personal “ah-hah” moment. It’s actually exciting to see the enemy bothered by our work, that means we must be really doing something good for God! And we’re not the first to be attacked. David suffered the attacks and he sets the guidelines for me to follow in how to manage the emotions, the fear, and the injustice. It is a comfort for me to read the Psalms. This is not a new predicament for the Christian walk, it’s just new to me. So I will stoke up the spiritual gift of discernment God’s given me and fine tune it so I know when to fight and when to be still.
Psalm 55:16-19 “But I call to God, and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battled waged against me, even though many oppose me. God, who is enthroned forever, will hear them and afflict them—men who never change their ways and have no fear of God.”
So I think why would I fight my own battle when God is going to fight it? It would be kind of foolish since I’m fourth string, and he’s first string. Let the best go in front. I just put up the shield of faith and know that as I continue to face the enemy God has my back covered and protected.
The pain? It is still there. It can be crippling, and I must not allow the pain to prevent a forward motion in our work. I’m learning it hurts less and less the more I allow the Word of God heal me. I’m quite sure the wounds will continue to be inflicted upon me, but someday I won’t feel the pain. Faith will be my great anesthesiologist so that the work can continue. Why do I do this? One, I believe God asked me to. Two, because I love feeling useful to God’s work for the fourteen children in Uganda whose parents all died of AIDS. It is a strong purpose. I needed a purpose greater than myself or what’s mine, and this is it. He can do this work without me. I’m just so thankful and humbled that I’ve been allowed to do it. So as it comes with opposition I can see I can take it, because I’m just a mom in Texas leaning heavy on a Big God.