blogging Divided.

I’ve arrived home safely into the warm comfort of my country and my family. The hug and squeal I got from Kira was the best feeling I’ve had in a long time. She sat in my lap for two hours until I passed out and her brothers had to feed her, bathe her and put her to bed for me. I am so happy to be here, and there’s a big part of me that awoke at two am and wondered what Abdul and Phiona did for the morning in my absence.

Thank you all my friends who read musings of Tonya LaTorre. I’ve been writing daily on this blog since July 2009, three months before my first trip to Uganda. When I began writing this blog  it was simply to practice writing and photography. It became so much more than I ever thought it would be. I have sat each day and enjoyed the creative outlet it provides me in a personal way. I have loved communicating and opening my life with a magnifying glass to anyone interested, and I never once felt there was anything to hide. I have written as truthfully as I could on the day I wrote and with that my soul has peace and comfort. I never once imagined all these years and almost a thousand posts later that I would have an enemy  who would use my words, twist them to a lie and point them like a dagger at my own heart. This has disturbed me. I almost lost my desire to write. But God lifted me up and whispered to my heart, “don’t forget I called you to write. Learn to do it better.”  I learned an important truth about myself: my greatest strength…expressing myself…is also my greatest weakness.

I have thought long and hard about what to do. I’ve asked God to show me how to write openly without it turning into my own noose. I’ve begged him not to plug the gift he’s given me to let words flow into meaningful stories. Yet,  I have no desire to communicate with the enemy. None. But I feel also that writing openly is one way God uses me to reach those I don’t know for His purposes. I can give testimony to that happening over and over again.  That’s a big dilemma. I considered closing my blog. I examined myself to see if it is pride which keeps it open to the public. It is not. It is a faith that the words and images that flow through me can touch and inspire someone who needs them.

So this is what I plan to do. I will write freely as I have been doing for these several years. After I have written it, I will decide if it is a private blog or a public blog. I will publish ANYTHING I write about Uganda in the private blog, Mzungu Mama. And if it is meant for the eyes of the world it will be published here. This means I won’t be publishing on this blog everyday, so if it isn’t here, it is in Mzungu Mama.

I understand there have been many problems getting into Mzungu Mama by some people. I’ve written to wordpress to help me understand how I can get approved people access to it. If you are following the Uganda stories, and you’d like to continue to follow them, please leave me a comment. I will contact you and we can arrange something.

For now, this is the only way I can imagine how to protect my freedom to write, express myself, and not invite the enemy into my home. I will begin with this tomorrow, and for a little while anyway most of the stories are about Uganda. If you are not the enemy, and you can prove it to me, I hope to see you at Mzungu Mama.