A magnificent thunderstorm rolled in after midnight. It sang and danced all over our house most of the day’s first hours and I laid there a captive audience. Craig mumbled it might scare Kira, so I crept up stairs to peek in on her. She was breathing evenly and softly on a body pillow of stuffed animals. I wanted to stroke her puffing cheeks, but the fear of waking her prevented me from touching her. She’s a sleeping bear, and waking her produces a great growl. No one dares wake her in this house. When she awakes on her own she takes a lot of time to come around to a happy mood. I come for her when I hear her playing in her bed. I backed out of her room quietly.
I returned to my bed and listened to the storm. I welcome God to rain down on me like that storm, surround me with His power and cleansing abilities. I hope the noise of His storm will drown out the thoughts of all my concerns about the upcoming trial in Uganda. There could be some serious anxiety brewing in me if I don’t walk into the rain of God’s word and presence and allow Him to wash it all away. When my mind considers how manipulative the cross examiner will be in the case next week I have to decide to refuse the fear. I don’t welcome being confused, having details twisted, or listening to lies said about me. Just the thought of it gives me a gag response.
This event is going to require all the self-control God can give me. That means I must first yield to Him and acknowledge it is His strength that I wear. Inhale the truth, exhale the lies. Remember the promises of God. Ask for wisdom. Seek understanding. Follow the light of God and stay out of the darkness. (That’s my personal pep talk.)
I received an email from my friend Jennifer who shared some verses from Job, so this morning I studied chapters 28 and 29. He talked about how no one knows the way to wisdom, asking everywhere, “where can wisdom be found?” (28:12) until he says, “God alone knows the way to it and he alone knows where it dwells” (v.23) and “he (God) said to man, ‘The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding”. (v28)
Then Job remembers the good ole days when he was respected in public, honored by men when he spoke, all because he “rescued the poor who cried for help, and the fatherless who had none to assist him” (29:12). He said, “I put on righteousness as my clothing, justice was my robe and turban.” (v.14) and, “I broke the fangs of the wicked and snatched the victims from their teeth.” (v.17)
Jen was right. I represent Kirabo Seeds, and we are going into break the fangs of the wicked and snatch the victims from their teeth.
So what do I need to do first, to stop my trembling knees and chattering teeth? Fear God and shun evil. Expect there will be suffering. Put on righteousness like my clothing and justice to cover my head. If I do that God will not only protect me but take care of all the details I cannot control. Why? Because God put it on my heart to assist the fatherless, so I can trust He will make the way open and clear so we can do His work.
If I get nervous at the trial, and I know I will, I’m going to close my eyes and remember the storm last night. The power and presence is all God, and He alone will wash away the lies. And the only fear I should welcome is the trembling I have in His presence. What does it mean to fear the Lord? To go my own way, making a left turn out off the path. Going into this without God, that is terrifying. No. I can only go forward into this trial in Uganda with the strength and wisdom of God.