Twenty-one years ago I awoke to welcome a special day, and though I had a glimmer of that feeling this morning when I sat up and remembered the packing crew begins the mess today, it was nothing like the feeling I had at 22 knowing I was going to marry Craig that evening.
Here’s a good list of all the reasons it should be a forgettable anniversary:
- Craig’s in San Antonio, and I’m here starting our move.
- Donny got stranded in the truck with a dead battery yesterday, definitely not a limo ride to a party.
- My washing machine choked and smoked. I’ll be making decisions about that rather than whether to wear my hair up or down.
- The buyer and inspector for our house were here all morning and nothing could make me feel more uncomfortable. Really creepy. I was tempted to tell him there are lots of snakes in the pretty garden. (there are) I didn’t, but I might leave a few bottles of snake repellent in the garage as a gift. Oh…my gardens…I can’t even go out there to talk to them.
- While cleaning out my personal things, I discovered sometime during the last year all of my good jewelry has been stolen. (not the best, I wear those) Ruby earrings I once received for a birthday, an emerald necklace Craig bought me in Brazil when I was pregnant with Jordan and he was working all of December there. Pearl earrings, and a deep sea pearl I bought in China, and a diamond ring I wore on my right hand, a mother’s day gift long ago. There are so many people in and out of this house that I could never know in a year whose pocket carried them out. All I know is it makes me really sad. Betrayed. Violated. Disappointed. Memories gone.
- I am going to stand aside today while people I don’t know put all of my things into boxes and people I do know will give me the sad eyes that tell me I shouldn’t be going.
All I can think is 21 years ago I was on my way to a surprise honeymoon in the Caribbean. My friend Madeleine just moved from Arizona to California, and she took an eight week vacation in Hawaii to stay with her sister. I think I’m going to need a vacation after all this moving business. My mind keeps wandering to Costa Rica where I never actually saw the rich coastlines. On the other hand, it has become somewhat clear to me that there is a horse in my future! (Craig just sat down and rubbed his head, though he shouldn’t be surprised I’ve mentioned it before.) I just have a feeling. Each time I move to a new place I do something new I’ve never done before. I renovated a huge house in Connecticut and sewed sixty window treatments for it. In Arizona I went to school for creative writing and wrote a novel. In Texas I landscaped an entire half acre myself, learned Spanish, adopted a child from Africa and started a nonprofit business. A horse is a small thing compared to that.
In light of all those ambitious endeavors, I don’t think taking riding lessons and hoping to fall in love with a big animal who might understand my sadness over losing all that jewelry and leaving my friends is so farfetched. I’m just saying, I’m going to take some riding lessons for the fresh air, nature, and exercise and see what happens…and hope my heart is captured by some great big soulful eyes who understand me better than I do myself. That’s one way to forget about all that jewelry and start my new life with something FRESH and exciting.
I am seeking consolation. I’m overwhelmed, overworked, and it’s been a long year. I’m seeking the bible today for words of encouragement that suggest a horse is a really good idea for a lonely girl in a new western city. (hee-hee) How could I live in Texas all these years and never sit on a horse? Now Craig is having a really crappy anniversary because he knows how pointless it is to argue with me when I get my head set. And he really hates horses. But last August I managed to convince him a cat was a good idea, and now the two of them have the soulful eyes for one another. Maybe he will come to like a horse…maybe. Probably not, but he does like to see me ridiculously happy…and that happens when I am learning something new.