Friday morning as the boys slung their school books over their shoulder and climbed onto buses one by one I kissed Donny good-bye. He was on his way to retrieve Kira from her night’s slumber. I set out on the road towards San Antonio, confident Donny could do my job for one full day. He reported in with me and exclaimed how consuming and exhausting it is to have a baby to take care of all day. Once he called to ask where the bottle of bubbles was so he could entertain her outside. He said he understood why I needed help when the boys came home from school. They all had a meeting and made a plan. They each took an hour after school with Kira. After each shift had been checked off it was time for them all to assemble dinner, help feed her, and get her ready for bed. I’m almost positive she was laid to bed with her soft blanket clutched around her before the clock ever said seven. She loves her bed and relief comes over her when we lay her down. No whimpering, only a sweet look of contentment and dreamy drowsiness. She’s a really good baby. She is also so secure in our schedule and routine at home that I had absolute confidence the boys could manage this big job for me.
Jack got called to the nurses office for some impetigo on his forehead so I had to bother Whitney to go pick him up for me and bring him home. I spoke with his doctor from San Antonio about what to do for that. Then the electrician had to come on Friday instead of Saturday so Donny had that to interrupt him as well. He told me “Mom, you are amazing doing this every day and getting so much more done too. I have no idea how you do it.” That’s an important lesson for the boys to all understand. I’m really not being lazy when I ask for help, I simply have an enormous amount of responsibility. I think they are going to be so much nicer to me after this experiment.
I visited Craig’s new office and met some of the people he works with now. I spent the day with our realtor visiting high schools and looking at neighborhoods. My head is jumbled with so many options and places to understand in a deep way, not on the surface as I did for the first look. It’s a full time job and I look at it and wonder how am I ever going to carve time out of my life to do this one too. If this added responsibility of finding a new home and starting a new life were a big heavy book I simply hauled it with both hands and the strength of my back and set it on the lap of God. I got on my knees before him and begged with a simple prayer asking him to read it for me and put an outline of what I need to know on my desk. Please. I trust I will have good sense and clear discernment with the decisions in front of me. So I am not going to give it more mental time than is absolutely required.
I have no idea when we are going to try and insert a move into this busy summer. No earthly idea. My entire life is so completely out of my control and yet, I can go through my days with calm delight enjoying the undercurrent of peace. This is only possible by the grace of God who is definitely making outlines for me from the volumes and volumes of heavy books piled in my lap.
In all of the work to do the one thing I can’t live without is communion with Him. During my first look at our new area I studied the map and I felt drawn to live out in the hill country. As we drove out of the city where there’s a river of rooftops flowing in all directions, I felt myself breathe more easily when the hills came into view. In one neighborhood there’s a private entrance to the Guadalupe River where the water babbles cheerfully over rocks and flows towards the quaint town of New Braunfels. Everything in me wanted to climb into a kayak and paddle down the river and have a long heart talk with God to simply enjoy the beauty He has created on this earth and give Him thanks. The song from the Guadalupe is now secure in my head and I feel it singing to me, inviting me, pulling me. It’s music against the other noises such as lousy offers on our home and the sounds stuck in my head of the biopsy. The chatter of happy river water splashing down from rock to rock is gaining volume in my mind and moving down into my heart, and if it had words I know it would say, “come float a while here and talking to God will be so enjoyable for you.” Yes. That’s what I want to do. A solid dose of nature has been missing in my life since I left Arizona. I’m desperate for it to be a part of my life again. I’m willing to go.