Sometimes my life feels like confetti that has exploded into the air and little bits of me are floating around aimlessly making the way to the ground. This isn’t the image that I want to have for myself. Actually, I can’t tolerate this feeling once I recognize I’m there again. I much prefer to be a solid tree with deep roots able to withstand harsh conditions, not be the leaves that fall and scatter. For those times when I’m feeling spread out, disjointed, and dispersed, I know what I need to do. I need to go to a quiet place with my bible on my lap. I need to ignore the clock and quiet my mind and let the words teach me what I need to remember, what I had forgotten. It is like a gathering in my garden of debris removal. I need to see the beauty of Christ to root myself. Reading the red letters reminds me of the red thread that began in the garden of Eden and is wound through every book of the bible until it reaches the ministry of Jesus and the work of the cross for our freedom from the dark.
I have spent much of my life searching for the rooted feeling in other things, like delicious food that transports me to another world of pleasure. A deep red cabernet, room temperature chocolate turning to goo in my mouth, a grownups size bowl of ice cream, time lost in a book store, shoe store…. They are all quick, temporary and ultimately unsatisfying.
None of it is as stable as what I find with my bible open in my lap and my mind soaking in the goodness of God and the quiet journey it makes to my heart where all the leaves are gathered and removed and I can see the sturdiness and beauty of the garden. I can breath deeply, see clearly and know for certain. With more practice in my life I am learning to forego the temporary fixes and go straight to the source. The fill I receive from the Word is the only satisfying solution. I don’t want to be aimless, I want to be on the narrow path, with deep roots in the truth.
psalm 19: 12-14 Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, o LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.