Craig is setting the time on the coffee maker for the next morning so we can walk from our bedroom to a freshly brewed pot. He hesitates, looks at me, “what time should I set it for?” I say, “The usual.” He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. He doesn’t understand why I insist on getting up at four when I could sleep til six or seven. It is spring break.
Kira doesn’t know it is spring break.
If I am not up in the dark hours of the morning, the day will pass without my ever occupying my own mind, scrubbing the floors of my soul, and conversing in written word with the Father. I can’t put my muscles into motion until I’ve had a long sit stirring the contents of my head allowing occasional steam to escape while my fingers clack the keyboard. It is the allotted time when I season, adjust, and combine energy with the ingredients of my mysterious elusive self. I offer it like a bowl of homemade soup to God and wait, hoping that it tastes good…willing to adjust whatever is necessary to please Him.
At the close of the day, after baby has been lulled to sleep, there’s no more life left to my mind, it leans towards the television. I’d rather shut down than tune out. Once this week I was moving in their tv space. All of the boys were slack on the furniture, dog snoring on her rug, husband reclined in his chair laptop opened, and Jack said to me, “good night mom”. I asked, “are you going to bed?” He replied, “no, you are.” My nine year old was sending me to bed. They need their boy bonding time as much as I need my morning alone time. I selected a book and obeyed because morning would come and I enjoy greeting it with a refreshed mind, not one starved of dream time.
Altering the usual morning routine isn’t an option I give myself. That’s the difference between his way and mine. That’s why he shakes his head. I know if I don’t stir the pot it will boil over. I must not have a setting for simmer where my pot cooks. My undercurrent is full force energy that must be watched carefully. I am the happy cook stirring the pot, sharing the aroma that whets appetites.