I am for once at a loss for words! There are so many swirling activities and emotions going on in and around me that I’m stupefied. I have actually tried to write a third sentence now eight different ways. Where to begin? What to focus in on?
Well…I’m good with feelings, i’ll describe those. When the email came on Friday I burst out in tears. I had to read it several times to even believe it. Then I spent the day feeling rather numb and operating on override in business mode. It really hit me on Saturday afternoon that it was ok to feel what was coming next. I’ve been holding my feelings locked up in a box for so long. They have been too strong to allow free roam while we waited. But the waiting is over! It’s here. We are going. The reaction when it came over me was a full body chill, and then nausea. I have had jittery hands for two days and I’m bouncy. I can’t remember to eat. I’m easily distracted and I’m happy, oh so happy.
I’ve only ever felt this same way once in my life. I was 24, pregnant with Donny, and over due two weeks. I was snuggled in bed knowing I wouldn’t sleep well. Then my water broke. I wasn’t sure. But after a few minutes I knew I was about to have a baby. My first baby. I was going to become a mother.
That’s exactly how I feel right now. This is brand new in so many ways. I feel like my water just broke! Of course in adoption the labor process is different but labor none the less. I think flying for 20+ hours around the world with fifteen suitcases adds up to some sort of laboring through pain to be able to hold a baby! I don’t think the flight attendant will be passing out epidurals though.
My niece, Emily, arrived from North Carolina yesterday to join us. Donny went back to college. Our suitcases are piled high. I’ve pulled out a blank journal. Kevin is saying good-bye to his best friend. Our house sitters are set, Jordan has a temporary home, and everyone is is ready for a new adventure.
I promise to blog all the way through! I have to be absolutely conservative about details and specifics until all the legal bits are crossed, dotted and filed away. But one of these days I’m going to be able to show you a photo of the newest LaTorre.