I’m a mama on the edge. One tipsy dip and out fall the tears. They’ve been held back for as long as I can bear it and now at a mere mention of our adoption progress my eyes fill up. It’s been a long year of knowing I am mama to a baby girl I haven’t been able to hold. I love her sight unseen, it was like a switch that flipped the moment I first laid eyes on her picture. I was praying for her when she was in the womb, and the day she was born my heart cried out for her, and each day she’s drawn breath my prayers are lifted for her. She lives on the other side of the world from me in an orphanage. I’ve been patiently waiting for all the legal matters to be cleared so I can love her and care for her as every child on earth deserves. I want to feel her breath on my skin, her hands clutch my neck and her body relax into my arms. Her first nine months have passed by and I have yet to meet her. Now, it just hurts so much to be apart. I so badly want to see her learn to crawl. I’m a small child of God myself sitting here with my tears. I know my God sees me, hears me and feels my pain with me. I have the peace of knowing He has not left me or forgotten me. He has just chosen to make me wait, and feel what it is like to not get what I want. The value in that is I must rely more completely on his plan and not my desires. I won’t approach him like my genie in a bottle and beg him to change his mind. I know his plan is set and and perfect. I simply pray that he will help me endure and strengthen me so I can be obedient to his plan and timing. I needed a comforting word so bad from Him today that I pulled a book off the shelf “the 100 most important bible verses” and I just randomly opened it. When I read the verse on the page I opened, I could only shake my head in awe. It was the very first verse I ever memorized. I would even say it’s my “life” verse, the one I go to again and again and again. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” prov. 3:5 “Yes Lord, I will”. It reminded me that I already know what to do, now I must obey. And even as I hurt He is my comforter. I share this with you not because I want your sympathy but because it is important to remember: He is a good God and His love endures forever, especially when we don’t get what we want.