Delivery Date Dejavu

This has been a long long year of “hurry up, and wait”. I have to believe I am far more compliant if someone tells me “I don’t know when it will be” than when I hear “this week we will know” because, then I expect to know. Our file is on the top of the pile. We’ve been told for three weeks straight our hearing will be held “this week” so we can have our court date, and guess what… it hasn’t been held. And yet, we have been told “be ready”. The last family who had their hearing to set the court date actually had to leave that night for Uganda.  Whew, that would give me whiplash. If this whole ordeal depended only on Craig and I, well it would be no problem at all to bob up and down waiting for the fish to bite. But, we’ve got a complicated life and this is a big event. Donny is away at college and he needed surrogates. Jordan has to remain here at school, he needed a host home. Kevin and Jack need their work assignments from school so they can work on it in Uganda. My mother is planning to meet us in Uganda for a couple weeks. My niece is accompanying us for the whole trip to be my extra self and to help with schooling and mission projects. My friends are staying at the house with the pets, and they need to be able to plan their lives. SOOOOooo many people are waiting with open schedules just like we are. It’s hard to believe one little baby can create such havoc in so many lives. And yet, no one is complaining. Babies just come when they are ready to come whether that is after a trip to the hospital with labor pains, or a trip around the world on an airplane. Both parties have to pack bags, and for me, that’s what I have to do today.

For the past six mornings I have begun my day with a long list of last minute items to accomplish and I’ve promised myself when I go to sleep that night our suitcases will be full and sitting by the door, and everyone who has a job to do in our absence will have their detailed lists in hand. I am really hoping today is that day….but I have doubts. When I get into one last minute detail, it opens up ten more things to do. The good news is that I’m an organized person, and so when I do take off on that plane I won’t have to do one thing for life here until 2011 begins. I’ve got birthdays covered, christmas gifts wrapped and ready to send, and a fully stocked house that’s been super organized in a way that only a “nesting” mama will do. This whole year I’ve been purging and organizing for the moment when my arms are full of baby and I won’t want to think about those boring tasks. I’ll have big brown eyes to fall in love with and chubby little hands to teach “paddycake”. Those are the really important items “to do” I’m …almost… ready.

I have this surging emotional dejavu exactly like when I was bursting pregnant and I had no idea which day the water would break and the waiting would be over. For all the adoptive moms out there who think  you’ll never know what it’s like to be pregnant I assure you the only thing missing is the physical sensations (and most of them I’m thrilled to skip) because all of this year I have felt pregnant- without a due date! Now my due date is reliant upon judges and lawyers rather than hormones. The reason I remain calm and haven’t lost my sense of humor is because I know  God is in control of it all. He is going to arrange the timing perfectly for all parties who are waiting so Kira will no longer be an orphan. Thank goodness because I couldn’t handle the pressure if it were up to me. Instead, because He’s in charge, I’m free to  fly like a butterfly and flutter through my days. Now, I better float on over to those empty suitcases…