We have received an update that our little Kira is growing well. She’ll be four months old at the end of this week. There is a big part of me that I keep fenced back from having too much feeling or voice because that part of me has no patience for this waiting period. That’s where I hide my deep desire to want to see every new thing she is doing, and feel her chubby hands grasp my neck when she’s scared, or hear her form her first sounds that make a word. God will unite us when his timing is right. I believe that with good peace, but feelings are pesky ornery things and sometime they aren’t so easily tamed. That’s why I have to lock them up for a while.
My unleashed feelings are not always so nice to be around. I’m not so special that it’s ok to spew them un my undeserving family and friends. The better more logical part of me soothes “the ornery me” with my bible reading and prayer time. I will be able to release her when Kira is released into my arms. If she gets out early my family will suffer my sadness. I am sure they each have their own to work through.
Staying busy is certainly helping me keep my mind off of the endless wait. This hasn’t even been a horrible wait, it’s just that we don’t like to do it. We hope the summer will fly by and while we are off having some fun with family we’ll get the news we are desperate for: our court date.
Happily now we know that she’s a little over eleven pounds, loves her bottle, being held and she’s learning to smile. I can’t wait to see that light in her eyes. Until then I’m going to work on learning the virtues of waiting.