phiona

All the sights in on the street are a comfort here, when at one time it was shocking and I’d hang my head out the window watching the theater on the street of hundreds of people within view living their life in a  boisterous way. What do I see?…the motorcycle taxis, the merchants that visit our car window, women carrying platters of bananas on their heads, sugar cane venders stripping long green canes into sweet chunks of sugar to chew and suck, and my favorite of all the bra man who strings bras along his arms  and holds them out like a scarecrow to sell them to the women willing to try them out on the street over their blouses. The smell of the outdoor markets is familiar, chicken coops and all. I guess this must be the dry season because the dust on the branches and leaves is so thick the green has nearly disappeared.

During the meetings for our court case, I learned is I must allow the strength of God to reign in me to stand strong against the pushing of the cross examination.  I can do that. After lunch we made a surprise visit to the orphanage. The children there greeted me with so much love I was nearly tackled to the ground. I had to hold onto the car to keep upright. Whoa! There is so much love in this place. And they place so much hope in what I try to do for them. I must remind them many times that it is Jesus who is their savior, not Mama Tonya. I feel wobbly when they put me on a pedastal.

After greeting me they went inside the church and had an impromptu celebration. The boys banged on the drums and the rest of the children threw up their hands in the air and danced. It was a sight I’d never seen them do before. I thought for sure I was witnessing an African tribal ceremony. The whole experience of their openness, joy, and gratitude was the epitome of the word awesome.

After settling down on their benches and in chairs we caught up a little bit. Those who do not have parents here were sent back to their villages for school break. They have all just returned now because I learned for the first time that school begins on Monday. This is the big question on everyone’s minds, including me, will they be able to go to school?

I told them I did not know it was this Monday when their school began. God must have brought me to them just in time. I asked them to raise their hand if they wanted to go to school. The response looked like what a bunch of American kids would do if we asked them if they want to go live at Disney world. It killed me. I said, I have not directly communicated with the sponsors yet but I think and believe that all of them want to see you continue school. So with this faith that God has put me here to help you get an education I will pay the upfront costs of this first term, and trust that your sponsors will reimburse me. And if some sponsors don’t want to continue, I believe God will provide new ones. It was a roar of a response.

I asked them to take me for a walk to the well to fetch water. It is something I always want to do with them So they gave me my own jerrican and we all walked in the perfectly beautiful African afternoon to the water source.

After our walk I passed out potato chips to everyone, filling every set of cupped hands with the treat and returning the smile while the children asked me questions.” Mama Tonya why did you measure our feet but we still do not have good shoes?”  “Mama Tonya why did we go so long without hearing from you?” “Mama Tonya how will we get to our school that is soo sooo sooooo far away?” (Abigail and Anna Grace have donated the money to purchase two bicycles, and I have brought this money with me. I think we need two more. Otherwise it is an extremely expensive alternative for boarding school) “Mama Tonya our uniforms do not fit….we need sports shoes as well as school shoes…. how will we register on Monday?…

So much need. There’s no way to disappoint these beautiful faces. They will get what they need this time. Good shoes. Everyone gets a uniform. All fees paid so not one child gets chased home because fees were not paid. Notebooks and pencils to take notes because there are no books in the classroom and if they don’t write it down they fail the exam. Phiona needs to return to the orphanage and do bible study and help with homework, as soon as it is safe for her.

Then James stood and spoke to me. He said I have been told many lies about him. We are all confused about each other. But he wants me to know he is a man of truth and he thanks God for me and accepts me as a Mama and Craig as a “Tata” even if we never ever give them another shilling because he knows the Love of God is in me, and he is thankful their children will all get an education. To hear him speak confuses me because others say conflicting things and I always remain confused. I beg God to help me understand this man.

Then Rebecca bent to her knees and began to talk to me and pray at the same time. Suddenly she was full of wisdom, like Elizabeth from the bible talking to Mary who was newly pregnant. She began to recount to me bible stories of heroes who were in the same shoes that I am wearing here in Uganda with this case.  She told me to trust that God is strengthening me and he is a God who does not fail. She said they have nothing to give me but prayer, and they pray for me all the time. She said I am like Daniel going into the lion’s den and that the lion’s mouths will be shut because I am an honest woman with a heart for God. That’s when I started to weep. (again now) I needed that so much.  The kids had never seen me cry before, and they were deeply moved. We all know we are all suffering together because of the lies and theft of one greedy man. Their tummies might hurt,  and my heart hurts, but it is all the same.

I love these children and I will not walk away from them. As I spent time with them walking to the well a part of me was thinking, “how is it that I,  a girl from the Midwest, the only white person within sight, could be walking in this beautiful African vista among these people that I know so well and love so much? I even forget what an exotic experience it is if I don’t consciously step outside myself and have a look. It makes me wonder about the plans God has for every individual child here. If He planned for me to come this far to work for him, what are the plans he has to fulfill the potential of these beautiful children? I hope I am around to see it all come to fruition.

The wedding across the street blasted music until one in the morning, and that’s when I collapsed into my modest single bed and tried to sleep under the mosquito net. I fell into slumber with the bible feeding my mind. I returned to the strong word of Exodus 22:22-4. “Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry.  My anger will be aroused, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless.”

Thank God I’m not standing in those shoes.

(I have tried in vain to upload photos but it is too small and creating errors. Sorry.)

I am at the airport. I’m sitting behind the checkin desk on the floor hovering near electricity, hoping somehow I can figure a way to bring power with me to Africa. With that said, I should warn everyone who checks in daily with my musings (thanks) that in Africa I might not be able to blog as often as I want to and I don’t want anyone to worry that I fell in a hole. If I go too long without power, I’ll navigate Craig into my blog and he can reassure you that I’m just fine. And I’ll save all my words for one long pour when the power returns.

I woke up at 3:30am to begin two long days of travel. It is Thursday morning and I will arrive in Uganda late Friday night. All I can say is I’m thankful I’m not toting a two year old with me. I can handle any upset that comes my way when I travel alone, but when I’ve got a testy toddler in tow I experience travel anxiety. I’m watching a group of people whose flight has been delayed. People reveal their true nature in airports. There are some tempers clashing around here and it seems that some people are more important than others, or so they believe. I wish I had the audacity to tell them who I think they are….average folk just like everyone else.

I have a philosophy about traveling specifically, but problems in general. Why fall off center about something that is completely out of your control? Why do we expect the airlines to be perfect? They don’t have a prior to reinforce such a high standard.  I appear at the airport expecting to be flexible, knowing anything could happen and most of it isn’t worth losing my sense of humor.  I have my security blankets with me and they include, a kindle full of interesting reading material, bible, journal, music, computer, camera, needlepoint and a couple of movies. Really, I have enough to entertain myself for as long as they make me wait. I actually like having all this free time to let my mind swirl around its own thoughts.

An altered course can just be time found.  And if that time finds me in the company of all these grumpy people complaining to the poor ticket agents then that’s a good time to find my ear plugs, avoid eye contact, and pull out the kindle. I really don’t want anyone to confuse their problems with mine. I’m walking into a lion’s den in a couple days…and I know they can’t touch me, but I hope they don’t try to scare me too much. My devotional this morning said, “consider it joy when you experience trials”… yikes. I’m deep breathing joy, exhaling fear.

I wonder what that old man is going to do with the photo he took of my hair….watching people in an airport is endlessly entertaining. It never occurred to me that people are watching me too.

These photos are from the first trip I took to Uganda, when I first fell in love with the people and felt God say to me, "this is where I want you."

 I returned to my bed and listened to the storm. I welcome God to rain down on me like that storm, surround me with His power and cleansing abilities. I hope the noise of His storm will drown out the thoughts of all my concerns about the upcoming trial in Uganda. There could be some serious anxiety brewing in me if I don’t walk into the rain of God’s word and presence and allow Him to wash it all away. When my mind considers how manipulative the cross examiner will be in the case next week I have to decide to refuse the fear. I don’t welcome being confused, having details twisted, or listening to lies said about me. Just the thought of it gives me a gag response.

This event is going to require all the self-control God can give me. That means I must first yield to Him and acknowledge it is His strength that I wear. Inhale the truth, exhale the lies. Remember the promises of God. Ask for wisdom. Seek understanding. Follow the light of God and stay out of the darkness. (That’s my personal pep talk.)

I received an email from my friend Jennifer who shared some verses from Job, so this morning I studied chapters 28 and 29. He talked about how no one knows the way to wisdom, asking everywhere, “where can wisdom be found?” (28:12) until he says, “God alone knows the way to it and he alone knows where it dwells” (v.23) and “he (God) said to man, ‘The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding”. (v28)

Then Job remembers the good ole days when he was respected in public, honored by men when he spoke, all because he “rescued the poor who cried for help, and the fatherless who had none to assist him” (29:12).  He said, “I put on righteousness as my clothing, justice was my robe and turban.” (v.14) and, “I broke the fangs of the wicked and snatched the victims from their teeth.” (v.17)

Jen was right. I represent Kirabo Seeds, and we are going into break the fangs of the wicked and snatch the victims from their teeth.

So what do I need to do first, to stop my trembling knees and chattering teeth? Fear God and shun evil. Expect there will be suffering. Put on righteousness like my clothing and justice to cover my head. If I do that God will not only protect me but take care of all the details I cannot control. Why? Because God put it on my heart to assist the fatherless, so I can trust He will make the way open and clear so we can do His work.

If I get nervous at the trial, and I know I will, I’m going to close my eyes and remember the storm last night. The power and presence is all God, and He alone will wash away the lies. And the only fear I should welcome is the trembling I have in His presence. What does it mean to fear the Lord? To go my own way, making a left turn out off the path. Going into this without God, that is terrifying. No. I can only go forward into this trial in Uganda with the strength and wisdom of God.

This is Phiona with Zita, the tailor who makes my African dresses! I'm having a few made for Kira this trip.

After all that the question remains, what to wear? All of the skirts that show my knees are out, and that’s the main no-no. I don’t wear pants too often there mostly because if I go to rural areas of Uganda it is considered cross dressing. It is a culture that appreciates getting dressed in your very best as a sign of respect towards those you will meet. Yet, the laundry process is so hard on good clothing that I don’t want to bring my best clothes. I toss in a lot of pretty skirts and tops that can mix and match, things I could consider giving away to someone new that I meet who definitely needs it more than I do. It is a goal to leave most of my things behind with someone else, yet not many people wear a two, so it doesn’t always happen. I never feel obligated to leave my clothing, but it is an obligation to bring gifts, and this is anxiety producing!

This was at a wedding.

What I’ve observed in times past when I see what people bring to wear to Uganda is the casual comfortable clothing we wear all the time in America, and these outfits don’t impress the Ugandans at all. It is best to put on a pretty dress, yet everything in me looks around and thinks I’m going to get filthy with the dust and fumes flying everywhere, and I would really rather wear gym clothes. But I have learned the best compliment I can pay to the Ugandan people is to dress pretty at all times. It makes them smile, they will tell me, “ah, you look so smart!”, and they will feel honored because I dressed up to meet them. This time I have to go to court and look my part.

Rebecca dressed me in a rwandese outfit.

What I really wish I could put in my suitcase is electricity. Sigh. The electric company in Kampala protests to the government by having regular blackouts that can last for days. It is the one inconvenience of being in Uganda that can toss me into a tizzy. Especially when I am alone without Craig I need to be connected to him, to the kids. It makes me really cranky when I can’t post my blog. I can go dirty, take a cold shower, use a pit latrine, inhale fumes, and wash my laundry by hand, but losing power tests my temper. Herb had a generator, but as soon as he returned to the states in Nov. it blew. He won’t be back to Uganda until two days after I leave for America.

Guarantee: feet get dirty.

With that confession I remind myself of the “missionary talk” I give others who travel with me to Uganda to serve. It is going without our conveniences that reminds us to use our hands and serve the people, rather than cling to our modern technologies like a security blanket. Taking a break from our technology is part of the experience. I keep reminding myself. I am guilty of what drives me crazy when people go to serve on a short term mission trip: they spend too much time trying to connect with the world that is waiting for them behind, and they miss opportunities to connect with the people they travelled so far to serve. When we are tied to our screens, we are not engaging with the people. My personal discipline is to wake up hours before everyone else to post my blog and email my husband, so no one actually sees me using my screens. This way I am not tied to my electronics when I ought to have face time with people.

It is ALL about them.

It makes me laugh because whenAmerican teenagers are taken on a retreat they are forbidden to bring their technology. But when adults plan to have a similar service oriented retreat they are offended at the suggestion and won’t consider traveling without their technology. Why do we ask our children to do something we ourselves are not willing to do? Because we can force them? No wonder we have so many rebellious kids. Still…I start to cry when I think I won’t be able to communicate with home…or in my case…the world. I am such a hypocrite. What I know and what I feel just haven’t reconciled yet into a choice…but there is hope for me. And I can ask for a small miracle that there will be electricity for the two weeks I’m in Kampala. Please?

What I really hope to pass out are smiles like this one.

Now there’s a truth that applies to every bit of life, not just thermodynamics. My family will fall apart if left alone. My health, my house, my garden, my relationships, all of the parts of life that are important to me will fall apart if I leave them alone. Most importantly, as the pastor was keen to shine light on it, my spiritual life falls apart if left alone. That’s why I know I have to draw close to God by reading the bible, prayer, attending church, spending time with Christians and serving so the roaring fire doesn’t diminish to a flickering flame.

I think about this important transition time I am in with Kirabo Seeds. Last year at this time we had just returned from our adoption, we were a week home with our new baby. We were overwhelmed, but not alone. We were so full of purpose because we had agreed to work with Another lIfe and help the orphanage there from our end in America. I was deliriously happy to have these new purposes in our lives. Spending all of my energies and talents to help needy orphaned children was fulfilling and it gave me great joy to serve God in this way. I think I actually floated through those early days.

We were quick to spread the word about the needs of the children in Uganda, and people responded with an overwhelming response. We initiated the process of becoming a nonprofit so we wouldn’t limit what God could do. It was a time in our life that was better than a honeymoon.

Through the year I sensed some of the business in Uganda wasn’t being handled in the way I think is right. It didn’t matter to me that I lived on the other side of the world. I wasn’t going to let it go and shrug in defeat. First, I hired Phiona to be my eyes and hands. When that was vehemently rejected by Another Life, I booked a flight in October to go see for myself what was really happening. It didn’t make any sense to me that they could object to having someone there to do bible study with the children, help them stay on task with chores, and teach them how to study and be good students. I knew then there was something they were hiding. I was not going to leave that situation alone to fall further apart.

As I sat on the planes traveling towards Uganda for that trip I was full of concern for how we were going to negotiate a clear working relationship with Another Life. I was certain that we could hammer out a good set of guidelines so the work for the children would be satisfying for both parties. (I will die an optimist.)

going to the well...there's a thought to think about deeply...

That’s not exactly what happened. I arrived to find it was so far beyond repair that it was criminal. I didn’t leave that problem alone either. I pursued it with the authorities until it was no longer me pushing the case, it became their own investigation, Uganda is pursuing him for justice for what he did to us and to innocent children. Next Monday I will sit in court in Uganda and testify.

I’m not leaving it alone from here either. I’m traveling to Uganda this week to see the resolution of our past efforts and seek justice, but more significantly I’m eager to begin the future of our working with orphans in Uganda. This is not an end, this is the new and improved beginning.

All of the problems we encountered this past year were our boot camp lessons for working in Africa. These were things we needed to know. And now we know. No one is going to do that to this Mzungu Mama again. I can promise that much. When I heard it loud and clear in my heart from God himself that my life was to be spent in serving Him by helping the orphans in Uganda I signed up. I enlisted in the army of God. And I’m not about to go awol because it got hard. I don’t see it as an option to quit, because now I know that things left alone fall apart not together.

The fire I have for the orphans in Uganda is a raging roaring sight, and if the enemy comes anywhere near me he will be devoured by it. And this is because God didn’t leave me alone through this whole time of learning, he brought it all together. Afterall, He is the author of the second law of thermodymanics, I suppose it is fair to say he’ll follow his own laws. I’m so grateful he doesn’t leave me alone, because I would fall apart.

Here's what I know...a scowl like this needs some basic life needs met, and most of all the experience of God's love. That's what Kirabo Seeds is going to bring.

The hot bitterness of the black coffee I drink just made me pucker. I’m wide awake on the one morning of the week that it is ok to sleep in and I’m not sure why. But, I like to be alone with God in a sleeping house. I feel his hug and reassurance. Last Saturday morning I awoke at my friend’s house in Katy. I got to be the official babysitter for Anna Grace and Abigail Anthis. Their parents took a night in town at some fancy hotel. I support dating your spouse. Craig and I have had a date every week of our marriage, and whenever we can get an overnight we grasp it.

 When the girls woke up they snuggled with me on the couch while we giggled and made a plan.  After our chocolate chip pancakes, we set out for Katy’s itty bitty farmer’s market. I never miss the opportunity to visit a farmer’s market. I would have taken them to the big one in Houston, but we were pressed for time. I have happy memories of buying orchids there.

After purchasing a catnip based mosquito repellent, giant carrots for the horses, and some harvest bread we went to Target for some craft supplies.Shopping with the girls was enjoyable, so much unlike toting around boys who refuse to tolerate my looking in the girl aisles. Girls have comments about what they see in terms of likes or don’t likes and they know why, but boys view a place like that as a maze for hide and seek no matter how old they are.

At the kitchen table in the Anthis home we got deeply involved in creating things of beauty. Isn’t that what girls do? Anna Grace colored pictures and slipped them into the new art binder we made. Abi made cards for friends she missed. And together we worked on cutting and tying Kirabo Seeds tags for the necklaces I sell to raise money for the orphanage. I assured the girls that they were working as missionaries by helping me with this project. The five year old puffed up her chest, sighed and said,
“I know.”

Abi and I have a ripping sensation when we are separated. So when her parents came home she scowled.  I reminded her that she and I had an 8:am date in the third row at church the next morning. Everything in me sighs when I go home to Kingsland Baptist Church, it is my family and I miss them. I understand there will never be another church that makes the same kind of home in my heart.

I spent the next evening at my friend Jackie’s house. I love her Colombian family and we had some good laughs at her kitchen table and interesting talks. But nothing was as much fun as hovering with Jackie over the whelping box of their chocolate lab’s three week old puppies. We spent hours marveling at God’s gifts to us, discovering nature in action. It is mesmerizing to see the maternal instincts of mama with the babies, and to watch how the puppies respond to her and each other. The tired look in her eyes as the babies suck her empty. Snuggling a furry pup up close and taking in their distinct puppy smell is an experience that ranks highest on my favorites. Jackie has three dogs. I don’t know how she is going to make it through the heartache of letting these four beauties go. She is their “abuela”( grandma).

It couldn’t cross my mind to tag one of them as my own because I know raising a puppy is full time work for a year and a half. Puppies are serious commitments and hardwork that pay off with a lifetime of enjoying a great dog. And I have one of those. A puppy in my life now would cause me to drown for sure. (a stabled horse is a different matter though…)

Last night Craig and I enjoyed the local Thai restaurant. Have you ever had TomKhaGai soup? I promise you it is the best tasting food you can put in your mouth. It is a must try food. This weekend I have cloistered myself at home to take in as much family time as I can get because next Saturday morning I will wake up in Kampala Uganda. It’s going to be a busy adventure there in a criminal court room, rewarding work to begin our new orphanage, and wonderful to see my Ugandan friends/family again. But oh my heart is going to ache missing my family back here. Two weeks is a long time to be separated.

I think I’ll get started on the chocolate chip pancakes for my own kids. I hope your weekend is full of family moments that string up into happy memories, little pearls you can hold between your finger and thumb. I need to hold my kids tightly this weekend, make sure they know how much I love them, and admire the luster God has put in their eyes, memorize them as they are right now. I am feeling strangely sad, even drippy at the thought of leaving them. I suppose this is because I sense danger on this trip. I’ll be relieved when Abdul assures me that he’s arranged for my safety.

Craig and I discussed last night how fast and hard the enemy has come up against us since we began working for orphans in Uganda. Craig’s mom assured us that means we are doing a great work for the kingdom. We’ve never been this far outside of the boat before. It’s true with God anything is possible, He will protect and keep us safe from the schemes of the enemy. I cling to the promises of God with everything I’ve got. And it makes me smile when I remember amateurs built the Arc, and professionals built the titanic. I might not know what I am doing, but I’ve got God giving me instructions. We are not going to sink. But sometimes I get stuck on the cabin fever and stink in the ark, the storm, forgetting that the dove is coming. I have to keep my eye out for that dove, it is like watching for Spring in the South. It’s like watching children growing up under my nose. It always happens.

I don’t know much about the legal system in Uganda except you are guilty until proven innocent. So, it’s a little unnerving for me to appear in court again this time as a witness. Will his lawyer batter me? Will I be able to keep my temper calm and in control? Can I tolerate listening to lies said about me?  I can’t deny it’s a little tense. I’m going to rely heavily on God and trust in the promises which guarantee me peace in all circumstances. And I’m going to need all of you to remember me in your prayers, and share encouraging scriptures to strengthen me.

What I know for sure, the whole experience is going to be endlessly interesting and offer me experience in Uganda that will be valuable as we continue to desire to help their neediest children. I can’t explain how it is that I fell in love with the people of Uganda on that first trip in Oct. 2008. When I witnessed their intense desire to learn it was the first spark. There was a mighty shift in my heart, and alteration that cannot be reversed, even if someone lies to me, steals from me, and obstructs our pure intentions. Our adoption arose from the love for Uganda, and post adoption, our love for the children there has only grown and intensified. I don’t know why, it just is what it is. I have to believe this is God working through me and I’m happy to yield to His push. This whole ministry is so beyond me, bigger than me and not about me at all. I feel  puny when I look at the entire scope but then I see God fill in all the space, cushioning me and reassuring me I’m not doing this in my own strength, nor am I ever alone. That’s why I have great peace. That’s why I am once again going to the other side of the world alone, knowing I’ll be face to face with the enemy. That enemy is no match for the one who is in me. My mantra will be: “less of me Lord, more of you”.

The results of this trial will have no influence on what Kirabo Seeds does next. This trial is a resolution of a past issue. We are looking forward to the future. It would be excellent to recover the money that was taken so we can put it into the new Children’s Home, but if it isn’t, I know God will provide somehow for His children. He always does. I also know justice belongs to God and it is out of my hands. No matter which way it goes, I accept the fact that God allows the outcome. I have no expectations, only hopes. The difference there is I know I am not in control of the outcome.

 I plan to be in Uganda for two full weeks. I am hoping this will give me opportunity to get the new home ready for children. If I focus on the positive work that is in our future, it shines a bright light onto the dark that surrounded our past, and having the light makes it so much more bearable to endure the darkness. I am not afraid. I am encouraged and I am willing to go forward and start again. I wish you could see the sparkle in my eye.

When I arrive, I put my phone away. That’s the first good feeling. Then I open my door and the smells of the barn welcome me, and I have to say poop odor and all, I love it. In my mind, that sensory stimulus at the stables surrounds me with the understanding that I’m on a short vacation from the demands of my life. Everything in my body exhales deeply as I carry my bag of horsey things to the post where I will tack up Gunner.

This is Gunner, hte horse I am leasing.

I’ve been working on endurance and strength for the past two weeks so I can learn to canter. In other words I’m developing a vice grip of the inner thighs so that the horse could tip over sideways and I’d still be in the saddle. I can’t find the words to describe how sore I’ve been in those muscles since I began riding in August. I am beginning to doubt there will ever be a morning after a ride that I don’t groan when I get out of bed.

I’m not sure what I like better, preparing Gunner to ride from the ground where I can look in his eyes and touch him all over, or riding him and feeling his power yield to my requests. He has begun to recognize me now when I go to the pasture gate with his halter. Yesterday he left his hay to come greet me and stood still as I slipped his halter on and led him out. I’m beginning to think we are developing a sort of bond that I first imagined would be the best reason to begin riding. I’m simply fascinated by animals, and I knew I was eager to bond with a horse, and it is as good as I hoped it would be. After my lesson Sandee said, “I’m glad to see he is doing what you ask him to do because in lessons he has been really stubborn with the students.” I told her, “I don’t think there is one thing I ask of him that he refuses. We are getting along very well.” I got a look of approval.

This is Lauren and Jack

I’m feeling comfortable posting at the trot, and working on the seated trot. I can make two laps around the arena without stirrups and still post (which is why my inner thighs scream in the mornings). This is the indication that I am strong enough to hold on at a faster gait. So yesterday she said, “You are ready for the cross rails”, which meant she was going to let me begin jumping. I love jumping, and I’ve been doing small jumps at the other stable and it’s such fun to aim and score. I can honestly say it’s a rush.

So, we do a few rounds on the small jump where he basically hops over. Then I brought him over to the side lines where there are two jumps in a row and he flew over the jump and cantered out of it. It took my breath away. It was the first sensation of flying on a horse that I have ever experienced, and it surprised me so much that I wasn’t ready for the next jump, and Gunner sensed this so he pulled off to the side and halted. I squealed,  my breathing rate increased, and I was more alive in all of my senses than I’ve felt in a long time. That’s the moment I knew there was no turning back from riding horses. I love it.

So I practiced those flying jumps a few more times and listened to Sandee describe her thought process when she’s going over a jump. She sings in her mind and thinks stretch from the chest through to the heels. So now I have my homework for the next week. I’m itchy to be back out there but I have to wait until tomorrow.

After riding for an hour I brush Gunner down and take as many hugs as he’ll give me, which means he presses his head into my arms and lets me hold him. After I remove the bridle and bit I feed him chunks of carrots I buy at the farmer’s market. These are fresh, sweet and crunchy, and it turns him into a beggar. He reaches his nose down to my bag sniffing for more, and he paws at the ground with his left foreleg to let me know one more would be nice. He’s a gentle giant. He usually gets a few more carrots because I enjoy giving him that pleasure.

I brought my camera with the big lens yesterday and spent a leisurely hour mixing my two loves: horses and photography. I gave myself an hour to photograph my instructor’s daughter Lauren with her pony Jack. She is fourteen and homeschooled, and I’m thinking about when Kira is her age and I hope we can share the stable experience together. I also aimed my lens at Andie who was riding Buddy. He is a stinker of a horse who needed her expertise to put him back into line so he’ll behave better with the students. Buddy is a gorgeous draft horse. He shares the pasture with Gunner, and I enjoy his teasing. Andie is another instructor at the stables, and she also babysits for me. The kids love her.

He's a big horse!

He was getting a good reminder.

After riding and working with my camera, I was completely free from stress when I returned home to my desk and resumed the process of preparing to travel to Uganda. Can you imagine? No stress. It’s new to me. Time spent at the stables is a good head sweep for me. It seems to brush all the dirt and debris away so I can think clearly. I’m hooked.

I learned an hour or so later that he posted bond at the hearing, and his passport was taken by authorities along with everyone who helped him post bond. Thankfully his wife remained out of the country with family. I did not want her to be blamed for his business.

 The official court date is set for January 31^st where there will be a jury hearing. The next message I received  from Phiona was my lawyer says I have to be there. My life here is not an easy one to drop and go to Africa.

Immediately I thought of Emily, my niece, and Kira’s first choice mommy from the beginning. I was her second choice, and when Emily left us for home, Kira looked at me and said, “you’re not the one!” Choking on my rejection I told her, “Well, that’s too bad little chili chocolate because I’m the one you are stuck with til death do us part.”  She got over it. But she’s still got that seriously intense bond with Emily. So I’m prayerfully hopeful I can bring Auntie Em here to be me while I go around the world again.

I suppose today I will be booking a flight, rummaging for malaria pills,  pulling out my Africa dresses, and filling my kindle with excellent books to read.  I might even tote along a knitting project. (Kira is growing out of her sweaters I made.) The first question I’m asked is: “Are you scared?” Not at all. There are many reasons for this, the first one being I know God is in control of it all and his plans are to prosper me not to cause me harm.  I will be protected at all times, and going to Uganda is like going home. I have many supporters and helpers. I have great peace. (I’m not looking forward to looking into those eyes again, just seeing his picture makes me twitch, but I will get through that with prayer and scripture.)

I am very concerned about the safety of Phiona at this time. She had a dream the other night that something happened to her, so I’m asking you to pray mostly that she is safe, wise and careful. In the court room all of the people on the accused side looked into her eyes with hatred. It isn’t fair that she is getting blamed for their choices. Phiona is a hero in my eyes.

She endured months of criticism, pressure, and unfair treatment while she was present with the children only so she could help them with their home work and teach them the bible. I know why they didn’t want her there, and the reasons for that are going to be revealed in the court case. She brought in the light of God’s truth and goodness and shined it around the place, and behold, there was a lot of dirt. It’s time for a good cleaning.

The end of this matter is near. We thank God that it has only taken three months to bring this case to court. Kirabo Seeds is so excited to anticipate our future. The best news of all, is that regardless of the results of the court case, nothing will prevent us from beginning a new orphanage in Uganda. The work God gave us to do from the beginning for the orphaned children will be accomplished, and God will be glorified in it. We are just doing what He said, no glory in that for us. We anticipate the end of one matter will open the beginning of Kirabo Seed’s work in Uganda for the children. And that is exciting.

I am asking anyone out there who reads this to please pray that God shows his almighty power. The accused has been caught trying to bribe once before in this case, and I suspect he will try again now.  We believe our God is greater than the evil in this world and He cares about protecting innocent children. It is all in His hands. The outcome will be accepted as the will of God. We must have faith. We must trust. We must believe.

I’m meditating on Psalm 37 today. I hope you will read it with our cause in mind and ask God’s favor on the children of Uganda.

The rest of my words today are saved for prayer. Will you join me?