I have to testify at court in Uganda beginning February 1st. I have so many questions about the process. Our court experience for our adoption left us with conflicting feelings. Our lawyer said, “that went well”, yet everything inside me screamed “we are ruined!” There’s no way to describe the tension that arises on that day. For more than a year adopting families trudge forward through paperwork, fundraising, legal processes, hefty payments, training, and the endless months of silent waiting while still feeling “pregnant”. It’s a pregnancy without a due date. The labor pains are not physical they are mental and emotional and they last not hours, but months. So to scramble and arrive at the exact hour for the court date in a foreign country and sit across from a judge who barely glances away from the paper at you, and understand that all of the prior effort depends on his decision…well…that’s a load of stress. I do know of several families who got that far and were denied, or sent away for more information. That’s a horror.
I don’t know much about the legal system in Uganda except you are guilty until proven innocent. So, it’s a little unnerving for me to appear in court again this time as a witness. Will his lawyer batter me? Will I be able to keep my temper calm and in control? Can I tolerate listening to lies said about me? I can’t deny it’s a little tense. I’m going to rely heavily on God and trust in the promises which guarantee me peace in all circumstances. And I’m going to need all of you to remember me in your prayers, and share encouraging scriptures to strengthen me.
What I know for sure, the whole experience is going to be endlessly interesting and offer me experience in Uganda that will be valuable as we continue to desire to help their neediest children. I can’t explain how it is that I fell in love with the people of Uganda on that first trip in Oct. 2008. When I witnessed their intense desire to learn it was the first spark. There was a mighty shift in my heart, and alteration that cannot be reversed, even if someone lies to me, steals from me, and obstructs our pure intentions. Our adoption arose from the love for Uganda, and post adoption, our love for the children there has only grown and intensified. I don’t know why, it just is what it is. I have to believe this is God working through me and I’m happy to yield to His push. This whole ministry is so beyond me, bigger than me and not about me at all. I feel puny when I look at the entire scope but then I see God fill in all the space, cushioning me and reassuring me I’m not doing this in my own strength, nor am I ever alone. That’s why I have great peace. That’s why I am once again going to the other side of the world alone, knowing I’ll be face to face with the enemy. That enemy is no match for the one who is in me. My mantra will be: “less of me Lord, more of you”.
The results of this trial will have no influence on what Kirabo Seeds does next. This trial is a resolution of a past issue. We are looking forward to the future. It would be excellent to recover the money that was taken so we can put it into the new Children’s Home, but if it isn’t, I know God will provide somehow for His children. He always does. I also know justice belongs to God and it is out of my hands. No matter which way it goes, I accept the fact that God allows the outcome. I have no expectations, only hopes. The difference there is I know I am not in control of the outcome.
I plan to be in Uganda for two full weeks. I am hoping this will give me opportunity to get the new home ready for children. If I focus on the positive work that is in our future, it shines a bright light onto the dark that surrounded our past, and having the light makes it so much more bearable to endure the darkness. I am not afraid. I am encouraged and I am willing to go forward and start again. I wish you could see the sparkle in my eye.
