I am an expectant mom

My friend Erica from AZ  is here with me this week while her husband works here in Houston. We were out doing regular errands  but instead of going right towards costco, we hung a left and dared to enter “Babies R Us”. I have kept myself from indulging in this fantasy before now. I knew it would set loose desires from a vault in my heart that wouldn’t find their way back in again. Once set free, I’ll have to deal with them every day.

a mama with her bare butt baby in Uganda

Considering I received an email that morning from our adoption agency stating  they are now issuing visas in Uganda I felt like maybe it would be safe to let a few of those desires the freedom to come out and play.

First, we discussed beds, but we  were especially drawn to the baby crib bedding ensembles. They are so cuddly soft and adorable. For the first time in my life I could consider pink! I don’t know that I will do that. I’m not going to raise a pink princess. She’s an African queen so a safari scene might be more appropriate. I know her skin will look best in strong bright colors like I saw the women in Africa wear. We moved on to the carseats, which are still loaded with features I’ll never quite comprehend. My favorite was test driving the strollers. This is not just a push down the aisle, but an important exploration of how well it can be opened and closed with  one hand because the other hand must clasp a pudgy toddler wrist to keep her from running into the parking lot. Furthermore, how well can a child nap in the stroller? I had to test all the features to accommodate this necessity. It then occurred to me that I never once saw a stroller in Africa. The mamas tie their babies onto their back with a special cloth until they are old enough to trot behind. She will need to find a stroller an acceptable accessory but it will not likely come naturally to her. Still, I can’t wait to be a mama on the go with a little partner again in the pushchair before me taking in the sights and chatting the day away with me.

This young mom rode the ferry with us to the safari game park across the Nile River. I have this poster size on my walls at home. She is beautiful.

I met a mom at Starbuck’s who was having a little treat with her two year old girl who was sitting in her stroller eating cake wearing a big pink flower clipped to the side of her head. The mama reminded me of how blissfully sweet it is to have the partnership of a tyke as she proudly told me she’s a stay at home mom. I remember the days of having my first child out with me,  sharing a treat, and now he’s receiving acceptance letters from my own alma mater! I told her the cliche that every old lady told me back then, and I can’t believe i said it but it jumped out of my mouth:  ”it goes by so fast.” Indeed it does. 

While I was sniffing the baby laundry detergent, dreft, Erica asked me if it would be hard to go back again after so much time having past since a little one was  in my care. This is what I told her… I have been doing all the things I thought I was missing out on because I was home with four kids. I’ve enjoyed freedoms, projects, travels, a clean house, gorgeous gardens and plenty of solitude, but none of it measures as more important than being the mama to a little one, teaching, sharing, guiding, loving, protecting and giving… all of that is far more important and like I said and now know for sure… it goes by so fast… why not do it one more time? I can’t imagine anything else I could do with myself that would give me more purpose or joy. I am an expectant mom, and no bump to prove it, but it’s just the same in my heart as when I expected my four boys.

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